So Happy to Be Natural

Thanks to Happy Nappy Head: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow? for the inspiration for this post. As a sister who has worn her hair natural for more than ten years, I am still astounded by the amount of time I used to spend on my hair.

Back then my hair was straightened with a lye relaxer and I was told that a relaxer would make my hair easier to take care of. So I endured the sometimes biweekly hair appointments to get a wash and set, wash and blow and eventually a touch-up. For all time spent in the salon with inefficient and inconsiderate hair stylists, my hair almost always ended up in a pony tail.

If you caught me right after my hair appointment, my hair would look great. The day after, my hair didn’t fare so well and week out you wouldn’t have been able to tell my hair had even been done. To add insult to injury, don’t let there be humidity, rain or the slightest bit of moisture anywhere; that was also a death sentence for my freshly done ‘do.  Needless to say this was a waste of money.

I got reintroduced to my real hair texture back in 1990. Instead of getting a relaxer touch-up, I decided to have the new growth pressed out and when I had enough growth, to cut off all the processed hair. I took the plunge and did it but not without scaring most of the people around me. For the most part, black men were not amused because we come from a hair obsessed culture where length and texture were tantamount. Here I was, a black woman running around with less than an inch of hair.

I lived through it and enjoyed my wash and wear lifestyle. My thick curly hair eventually grew down my back. I would get asked “What kind of texturizer do you use?”, “Is that a straw set?”, “What products do you use?” and probably the most insulting is “What do you put on your hair to make it do that?”.  All of these questions came from black women who thought I had the answer to their hair care conundrum. I didn’t, I was just brave enough to take a chance.

You have good hair they say. I say all hair is good hair. Nappy, straight, curly, wavy, thick, fine, coarse, whatever, it’s all good. As black women, we’ve been indoctrinated into spending lots of money and time on our hair so much so that it prevents us from doing normal activities like exercising,  sleeping and pursuing a hobby or enjoyable past time.

I can’t count the number of times I have heard a black woman run from the rain, bypass exercise or sleep in an uncomfortable position because of her hair. I don’t want to even get into how much time it takes to get your hair done, what black woman hasn’t spent all day in the hair salon. Remember your appointment was at 11:00 am but by the time your stylist got to you and the six other people she had booked , you didn’t get out of there until after 4:00 pm.

Having natural hair not only saves me time but it also saves me money. Aside from trims every few months, I don’t have to see a hair stylist if I don’t want to. I can get caught in the rain, wear a hat and sweat to the oldies all I want because my hair isn’t an issue.

Unless we know what our real hair is, there is no way we can deal honestly with the other areas in our life. Self-acceptance starts with accepting what God has given us, including our hair. I believe Alice Walker was the one who said “Oppressed hair puts a ceiling on the brain.” I think she was right.

Another high-tech lynching

I’m glad that the sensationalism surrounding the death of Kanye West’s mother, Dr. Donda West has finally subsided. I’ve heard more speculation about Dr. Jan Adams, the plastic surgeon who performed the surgery, about Oprah’s alleged involvement and conjecture about what Dr. West’s motives may have been for having plastic surgery. My heart goes out to Kanye West for the loss of his mother. I recently lost my mother but I am lucky enough to be able to grieve privately, not in the media spotlight like Kanye.

First and foremost, I must say that I am surprised at the media attention given to Dr. West’s death. What strikes me most about it is that this much attention is being paid to the untimely death of a fifty-eight year old black woman. Dr. West was an accomplished academic and mother of a multi-million dollar talent, few black women her age receive this kind of media attention, dead or alive. To be more specific, women over age 50 rarely receive any kind of attention from the media particularly black women. In our society, women over the age of fifty are usually rendered invisible, unattractive and unimportant by the news media unless they are grieving mothers, sex-deprived divorcees or bitter ex-wives. The fact that so much attention was paid to Dr. West’s death caught me by surprise.

Secondly, I’ve read some opinions about what Dr. West’s motives might have been for wanting plastic surgery. I heard one story that she went in to have a breast reduction and tummy tuck and then I heard that it was a breast enlargement and a tummy tuck; whatever the surgeries, they proved fatal for her. Dr. West was criticized for having plastic surgery, claiming that she must’ve had low self-esteem and needed the surgery to feel better about herself. Personally, I’m not real sure what this opinion is based on, especially since none of these critics know her personally. Dr. West was also accused of succumbing to the pressure in Hollywood to be younger and thinner, but none of us are qualified to make that kind of conclusion either for the same reason I mentioned previously. Sometimes we rush to judgment much sooner than we should.

Black women and low self-esteem are not strangers. The pressure black women feel from our culture and own men is never ending. We are constantly being judged and critiqued on how we look especially those of us who happen to be darker than a brown paper bag or wear our hair natural. We are often led to believe that we’re not beautiful. If anything, Dr. West’s death from plastic surgery has us all thinking about it and talking about it.

Until recently, plastic surgery has been the domain of celebrities and the wealthy elite. Plastic surgery for us common folks is a recent development and with the advent of shows like Extreme Makeover, Dr. 90210 and Plastic Surgery: Before & After; everyone knows about plastic surgery. Like everything else that comes out of Hollywood, it is mistakenly seen as a quick-fix for our low self-esteem as if an elective surgical procedure like a nose job, breast enhancement or lip enlargement can magically change our life.

The fact that Dr. West died an untimely death is unfortunate but she’s not the only victim. Dr. Jan Adams, the doctor who performed the surgery has had every tawdry detail about his personal life exposed for public consumption. To further diminish his reputation, every disgruntled, dissatisfied patient has a story to tell. Before any kind of inquest or investigation has even been done to determine his guilt or innocence, he has already been deemed guilty of something. His career is ruined whether he is to blame for Dr. West’s death or not. You can bet you’re not going to see any kind of retractions or apologies made by the news media if Dr. West’s death is not his fault.

Dr. Adams is the second casualty in this tragedy. Supreme Court nominee Clarence Thomas claimed he was being lynched by the media but what has been done to Dr. Adams goes beyond high-tech lynching to character assassination. Would the media be so quick to air his dirty laundry if he weren’t black? I doubt it. I’m more concerned about the attention being paid to this case for all the wrong reasons. If Kanye West’s mother hadn’t died from complications of plastic surgery, this drama would have played out quietly elsewhere and no one would care if Dr. Adams was arrested for driving drunk. If you don’t believe me, just wait until the next time the news media covers the untimely death of a58 year old black woman. I think you’ll be waiting a long, long time.

Spreading the Seed, Diddy style

I am not a fan of P. Diddy. No talent, no originality and some questionable behavior. Okay, all black men love their mamas but letting Janice run around NYC in that horrid blonde wig/weave mess on top of her head and those oh-so-fake contact lenses is quite cruel. If you loved your mama, you’d tell her the truth, that stuff isn’t cute no matter how much money you spent on it.

Rumors abound about his alleged abuse of Kim Porter and Sarah Chapman, doesn’t surprise me. either. In his soft porn ad for his stinky new fragrance, Diddy isn’t feeling black women at all. Call it the crossover, but what is it about black women that doesn’t make them suitable for selling ‘Unforgiveable’ or any cologne? A model that looks more like J. Lo than his babies mamas, makes me wonder.

A few weeks ago he officially acknowledged a 15 month old daughter with Sarah Chapman and has proclaimed that “she’ll be taken care of for the rest of her life.” Don’t know what he was expecting for that admission, other than proving that he is incapable of practicing safe sex and/or doesn’t know anything condoms. Having a handful of babies mamas and children strung out across the country is not cute even when you’re P. Diddy and can afford to pay child support. He’s singlehandedly done his share of perpetuating the myth that black men are incapable of being good fathers and more importantly, husbands.

On the other hand, women like Kim Porter who have made a career out of being a babies mama are no better. With this being said, Diddy is rumored to have baby #6 on the way according to Media Take Out. He appears to be mixing it up, this alleged babies mama is white.

Battle of the Babies Mamas

Poor Kim Porter. She’s finally rejoined us from her trip down “denial” now that she’s broken up with P. Diddy. Now she’s running her mouth to any celebrity rag who will listen. Another ridiculous interview with Essence where she bemoans the fact that her “man” had impregnated another woman, how she’s going to focus on her career (as if she has been anything other than a babies mama) and her new found courage to walk away from her relationship. (YAWN) Sounds like she got dumped to me.

What Kim Porter knew about the other woman (women) and when she knew it doesn’t really matter, especially if you read the exclusive interview with Sarah Chapman (Diddy’s other babies mama) over on Sandra Rose’s blog. In defense of Miss Chapman, she has shunned the spotlight while Porter has actively pursued it. When you put yourself out there like Porter, you should expect to be humiliated and embarrassed when your man has dumped you for someone else. Porter spoke disparagingly about Jennifer Lopez, the “little Puerto Rican girlfriend” but look who has the last laugh now? Porter didn’t approve of Diddy’s high profile relationship with Lopez and responded by insulting Lopez when she should have summoned every ounce of her self-respect and left the man.

I’m still going to talk about P. Diddy, another black man who prefers to impregnate women rather than marry them. Players and pimps get more “props” than fathers and husbands. There is no honor in being a “babies mama” and neither is having five children by three different women. I don’t care how much money you have. A fat child support check is no substitute for being a real father to your children. Being Diddy’s “jump-off” for 13 years doesn’t make Chapman any better than a struggling unwed mother; in spite of her being “friends” with Diddy, she has to call him every month for her child support check.

This whole situation is sad and is an excellent example of why the black family is being decimated. Women, no matter how educated, are willing to settle for any piece of a man whether they have to share him with another woman or not. Are we that desperate? Judging by this well documented drama of Diddy’s babies mamas, it sure sounds like it.